Excerpted from Smart Starts in the Arts Chapter 4 by Judith Peck, Ed.D
Conflict hurts, but a resolution, well handled, can set a tone for good human relationships.
Resourcefulness has always been humankind's way of battling and overcoming external elements: devising tools, improvising materials, figuring out alternatives, inventing methods. The human brain is magnificently designed to try to bring alternate resources—physical and mental—into play when drastic conditions demand. The conflict of two siblings or playmates fighting over one fire truck, or parent and child at loggerheads over eating string beans is not drastic but difficult and frustrating. Easing the conflict is necessary and dipping into resources to find something effective might just solve the problem.
The reader at this point may say: "Look, children are going to attack each other over fire trucks and parents are going to force feed string beans. It's the way of life and it’s not going to break them up." True, but if it happens enough times and becomes a patterned response to the demands of one to the other, it may well fracture their enjoyment of one another. Conflict hurts; it is battle, and battle is hard on the nerves and emotionally draining. Conflict is uncreative; energies and concentration are spent in aggression and defense directed at the other and not to the enterprise at hand nor to the productive concert of one child playing with another.
Conflict, especially if it becomes chronic, is not desirable for other reasons having to do with the effect of stress on the brain. Stress hormones in the brain, such as cortisol and adrenaline, if overactive (not the normal preparation of the body for fight or flight), can eventually affect the genes and create learning disabilities. Helping Brad to feel he is not helpless but can do something about a problem or even a feeling is all important in instilling in him a lasting sense that he is worthy and important (Kotulak).
So, recognizing that conflicts between friends and family members are inevitable, we might agree that they are not desirable and finding ways to minimize conflict should be investigated.
